How We Should Be Having Conversations About Gender (imo)

   

 

   Hey readers. Hope you're all well 💖

    Today's post is going to focus on my experience in engaging with an online workshop about gender (hosted by an LGBTQ+ centre based in the United States.) 

    I happened upon this workshop when I was scrolling through Eventbrite events about health. When signing up for the workshop, I expected to view a live stream but I was actually part of a zoom call (and was sadly the only person outside of the hosting organisations to attend). Despite not being what I expected; I definitely came away from the workshop having learned a lot which I've broken up into catergories to summarise here.

    What I have learnt has from conversations with queer & trans folk so hopefully what I'm going to share will be appropriate, as I myself cannot speak to the trans experience as a cis-woman but can only share the knowledge that I have been given.

What is the difference between Trans and Cis gender?

• Transgender refers to an individual whose assigned gender isn't aligned with their presenting gender. For example, an individual who was assigned female at birth may find presenting as a male is more suited to/ comfortable for them hence they identify as a Trans-male.
• Cisgender refers to an individual whose assigned gender is in alignment with the gender that they present as. For example, I myself was pronounced female at birth and have continued to present as female from that moment therefor making me a Cis-Woman.
• What about Non-Binary? Some non-binary folk  refer to themselves as transgender as they are not presenting as their assigned sex whereas some NB individuals may not consider themselves to be transgender.
• Overall Gender Identity is a Spectrum and is Subjective to the Individual.

How can we create a safe space for trans individuals who come out to us?

• DO thank them for their honesty in coming out to us and applaud their vulnerability 
• DO centre the trans individual by making them and their needs the focus of the conversation
• DO NOT ask about the transition process (top & bottom surgery/ hormone replacement therapy etc)
• DO ask about pronouns and potential name changes (but remember to consider the fact that not every space is safe for the new pronouns to be used)
• BE OPEN - Transitioning is a subjective process for everyone so remember that one person's need may not be the same as someone else's.
• Trans Comfort is Superior to Cis Curiosity (Repeat that until it sticks in your brain). My identification as a cis person does not entitle me to ask trans people invasive questions purely because their experience doesn't match mine.

Trans Inclusive Language

• DO use They/Them until you have been told the correct pronouns, (regardless if you can make an accurate guess or not) - You never know someone's gender until you ask their pronouns
• DO use Cis & Trans to describe the type of person you are describing. Trans-women are women just as Trans-men are men too. So unless you mean Trans & Cis collectively, be specific on what group of man/woman you're reffering too. 
• Be Mindful - Some language is unnecessarily gendered. For example, I'm trying to stop saying "women" when I'm referring to people who menstruate as not all bleeders are women & vice versa. 
• REMOVE THE WORD "REAL" FROM YOUR VOCAB. 
• TRANS WOMEN ARE REAL WOMEN
• TRANS MEN ARE REAL MEN

How do we move forward?

• Gender Neutral Parenting - This is a subject that people may spend hours debating so I suggest looking into peer-reviewed sources to form your own stance on this topic. 
• Early Education - Sex education is heavily gendered so some argue that it is beneficial to teach children in schools that not all boys have a penis and not all girls have a vulva. There also needs to be more education about intersex individuals. Once again, I suggest reading into peer-reviewed sources to form your own stance on this topic.

    I really found the workshop to be beneficial as I had many questions about the trans experience that I had the opportunity to ask freely. I do indeed have friends who identify as transgender but it is not their responsibility to educate me. They're dealing with enough already.

    Successful allyship is something we can all work towards and we're bound to make mistakes. All we can do is apologise and move on. The best thing we can do is learn from one another (and that is something I will preach on every post I write because I believe in it so heavily). 

    

    As long as we're respectful to one another and supportive, I'm sure we can't go wrong.

    I hope some of you have found this to be an educating read, and if there has been anything I can improve on/ correct within this post, please contact me so that I can make adjustments. As I said, all I want to do is learn and be a supportive Ally. 

    Much love,

    Lotty x